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Archive for April, 2012

The Lord is harsh with me.

Maybe even brutal.

It’s my fault, really. I could have listened to what He said earlier. I could have heeded His nudges and convictions. But no, I had to wait for Him to literally drop an anvil on my head and crush me into noticing Him again.

Looking back, I can distinguish those small moments where God nudged me, whispered to me, that I need to change or give up something in my life. I ignored it the first time, discarded the idea the second, and refused to acknowledge the third. My chances are up, and God still wants my attention. I can count how many times he used the big guns on me. Every time he does, I learn a lesson I could just have easily learned if I had paid attention to His gentle whisper.

And [the angel of the Lord] said, “Go out and stand on the mount before the Lord.” And behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind tore the mountains and broke in pieces the rocks before the Lord, but the Lord was not in the wind. And after the wind an earthquake, but the Lord was not in the earthquake. And after the earthquake a fire, but the Lord was not in the fire. And after the fire the sound of a low whisper. And when Elijah heard it, he wrapped his face in his cloak and went out and stood at the entrance of the cave. And behold, there came a voice to him and said, “What are you doing here, Elijah?” – 1 Kings 19:11-13

I really appreciate the deeper meaning of this passage. One would expect the “God of the Old Testament” to appear in a hurricane and lightning to speak to His prophet in a rumbling and thunderous voice. However, that was not the case; He chose to speak in “a low whisper.” Elijah paid no heed to the wind, the earthquake, and the fire. When he heard the whisper, however, he came out to meet with the Lord.

I believe that God wants to speak to His children with the tenderness a parent would to their child. He doesn’t need to utilize the forces of nature or use extreme experiences to pass instructions to His servants. They already know He exists and that He’s there. His voice can be as gentle, as soft, and delicate as a whisper. His convictions can be a small nudge to your conscience.

Too often we expect to hear from God in extraordinary ways, divine intervention, or through supernatural acts. We expect Him to slap us with revelation and call to us with brothers and sisters pressuring us to follow His word. We don’t want to quiet down and simply wait and listen. Why do we not pay heed to His nudges and whispers? I sometimes have these scary moments where something someone says sounds like they spoke directly from God, especially when it comes from a nonbelieving person or a brother or sister who usually doesn’t discuss matters of the faith. It pierces me, but it is still a painless experience compared to the trials God throws me in if I didn’t pay attention.

It’s not that hard to know when God is whispering… it may be your Bible lying near you, a song on the radio, or a comment by a friend. When you notice, take care to listen to Him. Take heed to what He says, because truly, you can save yourself a lot of pain by simply listening the first time He whispers to you.

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As believers, I’m sure most of us have been taught that we should preach the gospel to unbelievers, especially those close to us. Some of us have learned that preaching the Gospel to ourselves is an extremely helpful and healthy habit. However, what about our believing friends? Don’t they need the Gospel too?

Here is one of my favorite quotes of all time.

Preach the Gospel at all times. Use words if necessary.

We usually interact with our friends on a regular basis, especially those of us in high school… It’s every day! We’re comfortable around each other. So comfortable, in fact, that we would act in certain ways that we may not with other people.

I’m an introvert. As such, I’ve spent quite a lot of time quietly observing people interact with each other. It saddens me when I see people act so comfortably, they use language they wouldn’t say and do things they wouldn’t do in, say, a professional setting. Sometimes the language my believing friends use or the things they do sadden me; they don’t know how their actions can so easily become a stumbling block to other believers. The images their dirty language conjures and the innuendo in their actions can fill their brothers and sisters’ minds with material that shouldn’t be there.

This is where the quote comes in. It is important for believers to fill their minds with the things of God and to act as such. Rehearsing the Gospel daily and having it reflected in our actions will speak to our fellow believers. It reminds us that we are fallen sinners who were bought by the blood of our Father’s only Son through the Father’s mercy and love, and that we are no longer our own but indebted to serve Him in holiness and purity. If actions truly speak louder than words, then how we act has much more influence then constantly pestering them with Bible verses and a list of does and dont’s. It also gives us more credibility while hindering hypocrisy.

Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body. – 1 Corinthians 6:19-20

Remind them of these things, and charge them before God not to quarrel about words, which does no good, but only ruins the hearers.  Do your best to present yourself to God as one approved, a worker who has no need to be ashamed, rightly handling the word of truth. But avoid irreverent babble, for it will lead people into more and more ungodliness, and their talk will spread like gangrene. Among them are Hymenaeus and Philetus, who have swerved from the truth, saying that the resurrection has already happened. They are upsetting the faith of some. But God’s firm foundation stands, bearing this seal: “The Lord knows those who are his,” and, “Let everyone who names the name of the Lord depart from iniquity.” Now in a great house there are not only vessels of gold and silver but also of wood and clay, some for honorable use, some for dishonorable. Therefore, if anyone cleanses himself from what is dishonorable, he will be a vessel for honorable use, set apart as holy, useful to the master of the house, ready for every good work. So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart. Have nothing to do with foolish, ignorant controversies; you know that they breed quarrels. And the Lord’s servant must not be quarrelsome but kind to everyone, able to teach, patiently enduring evil, correcting his opponents with gentleness. God may perhaps grant them repentance leading to a knowledge of the truth, and they may come to their senses and escape from the snare of the devil, after being captured by him to do his will. – 2 Timothy 2:14-26

Let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven. – Matthew 5:16

Let no one despise you for your youth, but set the believers an example in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith, in purity. – 1 Timothy 4:12

He has told you, O man, what is good; and what does the LORD require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God? – Micah 6:8

All believers need the Gospel every day. We need to remind ourselves each day of God’s love and desire for us to be His sanctified priests and future Bride. Without Him, we are nothing, but in Him, we have everything. Our actions reflect what we know, believe, and is in our hearts. We just need to make sure that we are reflecting Christ and the Gospel.

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Alone

In the past few weeks, I’ve been dealing with a number of issues in my life. They concern, however, topics that I rarely discuss with people. These issues bombard my mind, and I find myself almost driven to tears over them.

A result of this struggle is constant loneliness. Sure, I feel good when I’m talking to friends and hanging out with people. I don’t feel lonely during those times. However, when I find myself in situations where I slip easily into the matrix of my thoughts, I become desperately lost. I can’t fathom how I will deal with these issues alone. I need to talk to someone, but I don’t know who. I feel like no one can understand how I feel, cliche as it may sound. I keep pushing the issues away. I’ll deal with them later. They haunt me. In a clash of my Christian faith and what the world says is ok, I’m afraid that I might just give up and give in completely to the world’s values (or lack thereof).

Honestly, I have no idea what’s keeping me going. Maybe it’s hope. Maybe it’s faith (though I personally don’t think I have that strong a faith). Maybe it’s the Lord’s mercy. Maybe it’s love. Maybe it’s fear.

I am given the constant reminder, however, of the fact that I can talk to God about my problems. I can choose to rest in His promises and power. I find it so difficult. It is almost like He is the last person I want to talk to about these issues. So I push Him away. I’ll go back when I solve all these problems.

To a certain degree, I hate myself for being such a good actor. I am not doing well at all inside. I’ve become insecure, scared, and inconsistent. On the outside though, I still look like the quiet “innocent kid” who is prone to excitement, laughter, and practical jokes. It shocks me sometimes how easy it is to fool the world of a person’s true emotional and mental state. The only good that resulted from this shocking revelation is the fact that maybe in the future, or even now, I should start asking people how they’re really doing. Give them a should to cry on, advice when they don’t know what to do, guide them when they become lost, minister to them when they feel broken, reconcile them with their anger, and calm them when they feel upset.

I just wish someone would do that for me.

I know I should talk to God, but I just can’t. I don’t know why this is happening; if this is a trial I’m supposed to go through. All I know is that these issues are driving me to tears, and I need to talk. If I don’t let everything out, I fear I may explode. Some verses and hymns give me limited condolence, as does being with fellow believers. But they aren’t enough.

These trials from God are very much real. I’m just wondering if everything will work out in the end…

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